Episode 8 – Staying Postive in a F***ed Up World

With the current situation of the world, politics, the pandemic, now a war we are able to watch on social media, it's easy to feel anxious and out of control. I'm sure we all feel the same way, living in a world of uncertainity. 

Over the years and through everything I’ve been through, I have figured out ways to put my mental health first no matter what is happening in my life or the world around me and I want to help you. 

So join me in this episode where we  learn how to control our reactions to the things going on in our lives and the world around us.Dont forget to leave a 5 star review, screen shot and tag me on IG @thelaurenfrittsEmail Me:  Thelaurenfritts@gmail.comTranscripts on Website: thelaurenfritts.com

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transcript

Lauren Fritts 0:00

Hello, and welcome to That Mental Shit My name is Lauren. But as always, you can call me Lo, and I’m here to help you figure out that mental mess in your head so you can live the best life, you know, and I know that you deserve.

Lauren Fritts 0:28

Now, this episode is not what I planned. So the world’s kind of gone even more crazier than the past year. So we’re going to go in a whole different direction because my heart’s got something I want to talk to you about the past few weeks. If you are like me, I have watched a war unfold on tick tock. And if you’re listening to this way after I posted it in the beginning of March in 2022, and about a week or so ago, Russia decided to invade Ukraine.

Lauren Fritts 0:59

Now I was born in 1991. I am a millennial, I think is what they call us. I’ve lived through a lot of shit. Like as a third grader, I woke up on the morning of September 11 2001. And I made my way into my parents bedroom. And normally my mom would wake me up and get me ready for school. But I’m gonna say like, I woke up myself, I’d slept through my alarm. And I was like, oh, no, I you know, I’m late. And asleep, Lee made my way down the hallway to my parents room. And as of reached the door to their room, I saw my mom sitting on the edge of her bed, staring out the TV, bawling, just tears streaming down her face. And so I walked in a few more steps. And I looked over to the left, which is where the TV was. And at that moment, I saw an airplane crash into like a really large building. And I was nine I don’t remember what it meant at that moment. It’s not like I’m 30 watching that happen or my mom. But I watched it collapse. And at nine years old on live TV. The moment the second tower was hit by a hijacked plane and the war on terrorism began. I remember it. So clearly in my mind. On December 30 in 2006, I was like 15 years old, and I was at my friend’s house and I sat in front of the computer and we were watching live on YouTube. The hanging of Saddam Hussein also burned in my head. Like I remember the day Bin Ladin was found in sha I’ve had friends that were on the frontlines in the Afghanistan Iraq War. I’ve seen school shootings, I’ve lived through Columbine, Orlando nightclub Katrina at like, at 30. I’m watching a war unfold on a social media app. Oh my God, in 2022. I’m watching.

Lauren Fritts 2:44

So Austin and I my husband. We were watching Tiktok, and three days, we knew that the Russians were invading three days before the News announced it. And now I have only listed the historical events I remember in the past 30 years that I’ve lived through. But what about my personal life or yours, I was diagnosed bipolar. My parents divorced. Some of the most important people in my life have passed away. As I was with my best friend when she got the phone call that her mother died. I have friends who have committed suicide, my husband and I almost lost our home to foreclosure in 2016. Now, that’s only a few of the things I’ve been through in my life. Not only the things I’ve witnessed in pop culture, the news. Think about all the things you’ve been through. Think of everything you’ve lived through. And yeah, you’ve survived 100% of the bad days you’ve been through. But honestly, we’ve seen a lot.

Lauren Fritts 3:44

So How is anyone supposed to be able to have any sort of mental health in this fucked up world? Like this wasn’t what I planned on talking about for this episode, I had something actually previously recorded, but I felt this was too important not to talk about so the other day on my Instagram. I did a mental health check in and I put a little question box and I said, Hey, guys, how you doing? Let me know how are you doing? And the number one thing that popped up was the Ukraine thing was freaking everybody out. Putin pretty much has his finger on the nuclear button and my family’s from the Pacific Northwest.

Lauren Fritts 4:22

I’m originally from Seattle, that ain’t too far away on the globe. If a nuclear war happens, and we’re in America, right, nuclear, that’s a thing. I’m not into politics, I don’t know much, but that’s the thing. And all of us are kind of feeling the same way a little anxious. We don’t know what’s happening in our life, like and people are scared as fuck, and we’re tired. But over the years, and through everything I’ve been through, I’ve tried to figure out ways to put my mental health first no matter what is happening in my life or in the world around me. So I want to help you with that. Now, we aren’t going to do this though in like a naive way. I You sit down my husband, I refuse to watch the news. Because what I didn’t know wouldn’t affect me.

Lauren Fritts 5:05

If I just lived my life in my perfect little bubble, and didn’t know that anything existed, I could just ignore everything and feel better. And that’s stupid that I thought was really naive of me. And the avoidance is obviously no way to live. Don’t take that advice. That’s not, that’s not advice. That’s what not to do. So we’re going to learn how to control our reactions to the things going on in our lives and the world around us. Your mental health should always be first, first and foremost, especially if you’re a parent, especially right now, in the age of social media, if your children have access to that kids know, way more than we think they do. They are being raised in a generation of the Internet access to everything, they’re listening to what we’re saying, we need to learn to be strong in order to teach them to be strong. If we are anxious, they will feel anxious, they will feel that they will sense that we can’t do that to them. So first things first, I’m gonna need you to shut off the news. Now hear me out. This is not the naive way of avoidance, you need to limit the exposure to media and social media, the chatter the opinions on the news. So if I did watch the news, I was watching CNN, Fox News, ABC, because I knew that like they reported the news from their point of view. And there’s so many opinions on the news, I turn on the news for the first time in forever. The other day, when my mom was here to visit, the newscaster was using the F word. Since when can they do that on the like they’re wilding out on the news channels right now. Now, I want you to stay updated, obviously and informed. But take it in in small doses and don’t let it consume your day. So I actually learned this from my therapist, when I told her I didn’t want to watch the news.

Lauren Fritts 6:46

During the COVID pandemic, it was just a lot to handle. And my mother in law actually loves the news and loved watching the news. But I watched it deteriorate her mental health, she was just getting angry. And if you know my mother in law, she’s the happiest person on the face of this planet. And my therapist said, I want you to read the news, and not listen to the news. When you read the news from your phone from your Apple news app, Google App, whatever I google Ukraine news, when I want to know like what’s going on right now, reading facts allows you to form your own opinions without having to hear the voices, the inflections, the tones of their voice, the little, you know, rants, they go on the little opinions here and there that are trying to influence you. Reading facts allows you to form your own opinion, I want to help you stay positive and hopeful. In a world that seems pretty negative like but no matter the bad that is happening around us, we can’t control that shit. But we can control our own lives, our emotions, or reactions, our own future. So much it is out of our control. So much shit and focusing on that shit that’s out of our control is going to leave you feeling helpless, exhausted, depressed, anxious, your heart’s going to have palpitations, like, you’re going to start sweating, losing weight, gaining weight eating, you know, focusing on what we can’t control is the most detrimental thing to our mental health. So number two, I want you to start focusing on what you can control and put your energy there, you can’t control the situation. You can’t control the situations, you can’t control people, you can’t control their actions or their thinking.

Lauren Fritts 8:34

But you can control your own mind, your own responses, your actions, words, thoughts, you really can be the change you want to see in the world. If you come across a situation and you feel stuck, or you can’t find the positives, or don’t know, kind of like a way out of what you’re feeling. Make a list y’all know, I love my list two columns. First, make a list of all of what you can’t control. Okay? So take a situation, make a list of all the things you can’t control. Now, on the other side of that list,

Lauren Fritts 9:06

I want you to make a list of the things you can control. You can’t control people’s actions. I can’t control the fact that Russia invaded Ukraine, I can’t control the fact that my best friend got mad at me. For something that was a misunderstanding. I can’t control the actions of other people. I can’t control the situations. What can I control? Focus on what you can control step by step. I can control my reactions to the situation. I can control my mindset, my daily actions. I can’t control the war. I can’t control the government. I can’t control COVID I can’t control what’s happening around me right now. What can I control? I can control the contributions I make to the future generation. I can control how I raise my kids in a loving environment. I can control the way I treat my husband. I can control my thoughts, my actions. I can control how I love and treat people. Reframe your mind to look at how you can use the situation to benefit you, not hinder you. We got to be a victor, not a victim, right? Like, look for the good engine, there’s good, I promise, but you have to look for it. Because we’re used to not seeing it.

Lauren Fritts 10:16

We’re used to seeing the negative, you’re always going to find what you focus on. If you believe things are awful, you will find awful things everywhere. If you believe life’s the gift, you’ll find life to be a gift for you. Now, if you do find it, find a cause you’re passionate about then yes, yeah, focus on it. But what I don’t want you to do is go on Instagram, or Facebook and start complaining. I’ve seen way too many people trying to build an Instagram. And all they do is they bitch and they complain about politics. I want you to do something that I tell those closest to me all the time, I will listen to you vent, all you want, as long as you are doing something to change your situation. If you are complaining, you’re gaining weight, but you don’t start eating healthy or working out. I want you to stay fat because you deserve it.

Lauren Fritts 11:04

Because you’re not doing something I need you to stop complaining without action. You have to take actionable steps about the shit you’re complaining about are shut your mouth. Okay, you have to do something about the things you spent so much time complaining about or just shut up. Maybe you won’t change the world. But you have the ability to change your world. If you find a cause you’re passionate about how can you help that cause? You know what, maybe I won’t use the world with my views of mental illness. But you know what? I’m taking steps to at least help those. Are you passionate about the homeless crisis? Maybe find somewhere to volunteer? What about are you passionate about like the people on Instagram about politics during COVID? But instead of complaining about it, how can you encourage change? bitching does nothing so many just stop complaining so much. Okay. Do you want to stop being negative you want to see the world in a more positive way. Then stop your bitching and whining.

Lauren Fritts 12:11

Number three, remember the things that bring you joy and be grateful. It is so easy to focus on all the things that are going wrong in the world in your life. And at the end of the day, I need you to take time and reflect on what happened today. That was good. Get a jar each day write on a slip of paper something for which you’re grateful for on a bad day, reach into the jar, grab one of the slips out and read it. You need to end each day by counting your blessings. I have a gratitude journal. It’s more of like a notepad that I keep on my phone. And I start the day before I do anything with three things I’m grateful for I end the day with three things I’m grateful for in every single day, I make sure those three things I’m grateful for the six things I guess in total are different. Count your blessings, your life is a blessing. It’s just the way you’re thinking about it.

Lauren Fritts 13:04

Number four, I want you to ask for help. You aren’t alone and you don’t have to do this alone. Sometimes we aren’t strong enough to deal with all of this by ourselves. And that’s okay. There’s no shame in therapy. They have tools you don’t. They can help you get through that mental mess and work with you. And honestly though, maybe even most importantly, despite the fact that I titled as mental health in a fucked up world. Let’s stop thinking about it that way. Can negative shit happens, okay? We know that people do stupid shit. They hurt people, they cause pain. But it’s also such a beautiful world. filled with so much promise, opportunity, kindness. And maybe instead of watching a war on tick tock, find the videos of random acts of kindness and see how often those ones go viral.

Lauren Fritts 13:59

I challenge you this week to add positivity to someone else’s life. So my mentor told me when you feel lost, lose yourself in the service of others. And every time the world is struck by disaster, millions of people rally around those affected to show their support. I love watching the TIC TOCs not necessarily the war of Ukraine. But if the Polish mothers that all put strollers out at the train station for the moms that are escaping from Ukraine, so they have somewhere to put their baby. Oh my god, are you kidding? 20,000 people showed up to Ukraine yesterday to fight in the war from all around the world. War is negative people. People right now are being amazing, and we need to focus on that. Service is such a powerful and life changing tool especially in the midst of our own challenges. Let’s be selfless instead of selfish. selflessness can give us purpose and hope and strength to carry on In times like these, and you don’t have to go join a movement, but do simple things, you know, like complimenting somebody, compliment one person every day. Reach out to those you know, are having a hard time by somebody of Starbucks.

Lauren Fritts 15:14

Think of how you felt when someone does a small action for you, it feels like amazing to be thought of. It doesn’t have to be grandiose, it doesn’t have to cost you a whole bunch of money. It doesn’t have to cost you anything. Honestly. Happiness in gratitude and joy are the easiest things in the world to spread. We want to change the world and live in a better world, we have to start with the way we treat each other. I know that unknown can be a really freakin scary place that many of us like want to control everything in fear of getting hurt. Control comes from fear, wanting to control the role comes with fear, and it’s very scary. And you think if I just have control, scary things will happen. But honestly, what I’ve learned what hurts us more is living with the anxiety of trying to be in control. Instead of just being able to let go of the control, trying to control something you can’t is so detrimental to your mental health people. It’s so draining, it’s so exhausting, and you’re putting energy into something that’s never going to come to fruition. You can’t change it, put your energy to things you can can change control what you can focus on what you can’t let go of this shit, you can’t. So let’s go back over what I talked about controlling our emotions in a fucked up world, shut off the news. limit your exposure to the news. That was number one limit, I don’t want you to listen to the news anymore.

Lauren Fritts 16:39

Actually, I really encourage you to read the news to start focusing on what you can control. Three, remember the things that bring you joy and be grateful for I want you to ask for help. I want you to call somebody, I want you to find a therapist, I want you to you know, maybe take that medication. You don’t have to do this alone. And if the people coming together for Ukraine has showed us anything is that we aren’t alone.

Lauren Fritts 17:09

Okay, and as always, I will end it this way. I love you. I’m proud of you and I believe in you and it’s time to get up and change your life. Reframe your mind light the fire of your life. Now do me a favor and go leave a five star review. Don’t forget to screenshot the episode to share with your girls and tag me on Instagram at the Lauren Fritts. I’m so excited to see you next episode.