Stop Giving A Sh*T What People Think
In order to become the bad bitch we need to be or want to be. THE FIRST STEP is conquering fear of judgement, or atleast acknowledging the fear AND taking the steps to eventually conquer it.
There is no denyin this is a universal topic. Everyone, no matter how young, old, rich, poor, we all deal with judgement. We all are aware of judgement.No matter what, we all in some aspect fear it. Will the fear always be there? Most likely. But that’s okay.
It’s one thing to care what other people thik, but it’s another thing to allow that fear to hold you back.
Fear of judgment. In other words, giving a shit what people think about you. Not only that, but caring so much about what other people think about you, that you let it control certain aspects of your life. That’s where it can get dangerous.
It’s then the question of how do we continue to live the life we want, fulfilled, happy, and not giving a fuck.
What exactly is “Fear of Judgment”
Ever wonder why we actually care in the first place? It’s so wired into us at a young age, not many of us understand why it’s there.
So what is the fear of being judged? We all have moments when we are afraid of people’s judgement, no matter how confident we are.
It’s that feelings of stiffening up before you speak, or biting your tongue because your’re worried about what someone might think. It’s not taking the dream job because thats not what your parents wanted for you, or it’s not hitting post on that selfie for social media because of what that one girl from high school might think of you.
Sometimes it shows up as going along with something you don’t agree with just to be liked. Or feeling indecisive when you know you can’t please everyone.
So why do we care so much about what other people think?
Humans are social animals. Since way back when to our ancestors in a cave, we’ve had this innate need for belonging. Actually in social psychology, this emotional need for community and a group acceptance is called belongingness” You think we’d have a more specific name for it but here we are.
We have a need to belong and to be accepted so we can build on and maintain positive relationships. And that’s probably why we find it so challenging to step out of society norm and do our own shit.
But that just sounds way to simple. I feel like theres more to it than that. Personally I know that alot of my past fear of judgement was more of a fear that I wasn’t good enough.
Right? I feared that I’ll fail in my podcast because I’m not good enough. I feared failure in motherhood or marriage because I’m not good enough. I feared what people would think of me in anything I did, because what if they were right. But not only what if they were right. What if all the horrible things I already thought about myself and my abilities, turned out to be true. Not that’s even scarier.
And honestly thats because we’ve been conditioned to think this way, that we aren’t enough, that we arent good enough by society. You’re not thin enough, heres a juice cleanse. You’re not rich enough, so heres a investment plan for you, Your not cool enough so here’s the $500 purse you need to fit in. You’re not pretty enough but don’t worry we have a full coverage foundation and 65 different ways to contour your face so your unrecognizable.
We are literally reminded that we’re not enough, CONSTANTLY.
So before we go on, let me take a minute to remind you of what bullshit that is, cause you my love are enough.
Not only are you enough, but you are a damn bad ass with an endless amount of potential.
It’s detrimental to live in fear of judgement.
there is something right now, that you want to do, you want to wear, or whatever, there is something you’ve always wanted, that you have never done because of fear of judgement right. Take a second, think about what that is. Or is there a dream you’ve refused to chase because of other people. That’s the biggest thing right, is making a life changing decision for ourselves or our family based on the judgment of other people.
Judgment in 2022 comes mostly from the source of social media. It’s a big one. If you are like me, I share most of my life on social media. And everytime you post, or say something, or share something you have a large likelihood of being judged. By either a family member, a chick you went to high school with, or a random stranger. But let me walk you through how that judgment is probably going. The worst case scenario: You are going to post a selfie. A beautiful picture of your face. That dumb bitch brittany from high school who made your life a living hell over 10 years ago (who you havent spoken to since btw), is scrolling her instagram, scrolling past 100 posts cause she probably has nothing better to do with her life. And she’s gonna scroll past your face, she’s gonna pause, think probably something judgemental in her head, and THEN KEEP SCROLLING.
Or maybe you decided to start a business, open an etsy shop, join a direct sales company, and the same thing could happen.
is scrolling her instagram, scrolling past 100 posts cause she probably has nothing better to do with her life. And she’s gonna scroll past your face, she’s gonna pause, think probably something judgemental in her head, and THEN KEEP SCROLLING. Or you want to start the business, and you tell your kinda friend and she’s like the fuck who do you think you are, you aren’t that good, or even your mom or dad. Right? Oh there’s no money in that, what will the cousins think, blah blah blah.
But lets say, you let those scenarios stop you from starting that business or whatever. Stop you from doing something you want to do.
Let me break something down for you. A LITTLE TOUGH LOVE…
The average thought lasts for 50 milliseconds. That’s about 1/20th of a second. So you are telling me that you are going to make a decision that can or will affect the rest of your life based on something that only lasted 50 milliseconds in someone else’s head. That’s like telling someone who doesn’t think you are worth an entire second, that they are worth your entire life.
Letting the fear of judgment stop you, that’s a great power you are giving to someone. Why would you give anyone that power? Everybody would do anything if you could just take away judgment from the world. If nobody feared judgment, if the word and concept of judgment didn’t even exist, everybody would do anything they wanted to do. If the fear of judgment didn’t exist nobody would fear anything they wanted to do. All these people would follow their dreams, cancer would probably be fucking cured, you know if there was no judgement.
“Don’t let someone in the cheap seats, have an expensive opinion in your life”
– Rachel Hollis
you have a power within you, whether you know it or haven’t found it yet, we all have it and that power is given to us by God or Allah, or whatever higher being you believe in, the man who runs the simulation, If God is given you a power, and you are not using your power in fear of judgment, that’s giving that power to control your life to someone else. So that’s like saying F You to god. Getting a gift from him and being like nahhhh and giving it away to someone else. You don’t do that, you can’t throw away what god has given you,
Not doing something in fear of what someone thinks is giving a power to someone who doesn’t give a shit about you.
HOW TO: Get Over the Fear of Judgement
1. Stop assuming people are judgemental assholes or that you are the center of attention. How many random people do you think about daily? Not many, so what makes you think people are really caring that much about you?
2. Stop inviting judgment in. When you are insecure about what you do, you might unwittingly nudge others to join you. Like if I feel insecure in the dress I’m wearing, when someone compliments me, I tend to go, oh gosh it makes me look so fat, which in turn invites their judgment.
3. Stop judging yourself. When you stop judging yourself, people will miraculously find less to judge about you. That doesn’t mean you have to be confident 110% of the time but confidence is where most of the healing from judgment will come from. It all starts with self esteem and self confidence with practice.
4. Define your values: Living your life according to what others think of you is a recipe for an unhappy and exhausting life. Get clear on what’s important to you, not other people. Focus on who you want to be, not what others say you should be.
But getting over fear of judgement, getting confidence, that whole journey starts with #5.
5. Rewiring the core stories and limiting beliefs you have been telling yourself.
Limiting beliefs unnecessarily hold us back from who we want to become. Because beliefs are not fact and you’ll have to come back next episode when we completely work through your limiting beliefs and start you on the process of building the confidence of the bad bitch within.
You are the only person you are 100% guaranteed to live with for the rest of your life. At the end of your life, you are gonna look back and guess who isn’t gonna be there to hold your hand. All those people who were judging you. You wouldn’t want them with you during your last hours so why take their opinions along for the entire ride?
More from this episode
Are you struggling with getting over the fear of judgement? Do you want practical tips and advice on how to build your confidence? Press play on this episode and be sure to listen!
