Leave ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ at Apple Podcasts // Listen on Spotify
Lauren Fritts 0:00 Hello, and welcome to That Mental Shit Lauren Fritts 0:11 My name is Lauren, but you can call me Lo, and I'm here to help you figure out that mental mess in your head. So you can live the best life, you know you deserve. Today's episode, we're gonna talk about feeling the feels processing your emotions, but also not dwelling in your shit. I'm a firm believer in like that it's okay to not be okay. But there's a fine line between dwelling and letting it take over your life and, and then on the other hand processing to empower. You have to feel your feelings you do. You have to feel your feelings. But you need to use them to fuel your fire to continue on and conquer life. Right? Like, okay, so my son is seven. And in our house, we've raised our son very openly with feelings. I cry in front of him. And then there are times for those of you I know I've talked about a little bit. I'm bipolar. I've been bipolar for 12 years, and I'm not okay sometimes. And I've medicated and I'm stable, but I can't control everything. I cry in front of my kids. And then there's times that I would cry and Mommy, are you okay, what's wrong? And it'd be one of those things that like I'm crying for no reason. Just it's okay, mommy's brain. You know, I don't know why I'm crying. I know reason. Sometimes. I just feel like crying buddy. And it's become a very normal situation in our family that he cry sometimes just when I'm like, oh, you know, baby, why are you crying? Is everything okay? Because Mommy, I just feel like crying. Just because he needs to cry. And it makes my heart. So proud to know that my husband and I have cultivated something in our house where our kids feel safe. To express emotion without I don't know how you want to say it without shame. Without feeling like, they're crazy. I never tell him not to cry. I never tell him you know, oh, it's gonna be okay. Because I want him to process what's happening. Strengthening your mind is key for everyday resilience and grit when handling life. But life happens. We're all human. We all have feeling mental strength in mastering your mind doesn't come from ignoring that shit. It comes from actually feeling them, feeling them when you need to cry, knowing it's completely normal to feel but we can't dwell on them. dwelling on the feelings. That's where it gets dangerous. I come from two very different families. My mom's side, my Italian side all up in the field hugging loving tons of hug love outward emotion, saying I love you. But then my dad's side was raised very differently. Emotions weren't talked about. Now my dad and my mom are 10 years apart. My dad being older, him and his eight siblings were also raised in a very different generation. Like you have to keep that in mind generational. Right now in 2022. These kids, these millennials, these, whatever their gens ears is that they're very in their fields very in their emotions. But that's not how our parents grew up. That's not how other parent their parents grew up. As the third of like, I'm the third youngest in a list of bajillion cousins on my dad's side. The third youngest and like my oldest cousin is like, 20 years older than me, I think, I have to say, like, there's a lot to watch in that situation. No one has really ever told me specifically, but from a young age, I could tell that it was It wasn't okay to not be okay. That side of my family doesn't really talk very much about feelings or emotions or hugging and maybe you were born in that generation raised to shut your mouth keep your feelings inside be strong for your mom be strong for your sisters. Mental health wasn't even a topic of conversation right? Depression was cured then with alcohol and pills because they were forced to shut up any other than that, they would send you to the loony bin like if you go far enough back in generations say nothing so the neighbors don't know. Or maybe you were raised by somebody in that generation. So in turn that was like passed on to you no feelings, no crying suck it up. Nothing's wrong with you. Other people have it worse medication makes you weak. Boomers, boomers, words are hard boomers grew up in an era when mental health issues were not discussed. Much, much less acknowledge conditions like anorexia bulimia, ADHD, PTSD, bipolar, autism, learning disabilities, right were unheard of. And depression and anxiety were viewed as weakness, Lauren Fritts 5:03 Boomers, were in accustom to toughing things out. Right. It's the generation they lived in, they went through a lot of shy. And they didn't learn how to ask for when things got difficult because it was kind of difficult for everybody, right? But those attitudes towards mental health, mental toughness, don't make them immune to mental illness. So current statistics, if you want to talk numbers show that 25% of people over 55 experienced some form of mental health issues. But they go undiagnosed or untreated. Wherever you are in this, a boomer a Gen X, a millennial. Maybe no one said this to you. So I'm just going to take a second and say, I'm going to give you permission, that it's okay to not be okay. I know I do a lot of tough love on here. And I know I talk about grit and no excuses. It's okay to not be okay. I don't want you to be okay all the time. I don't, that would be weird. And there is such thing as toxic positivity. I want you to cry. I want you to feel emotion, all ranges of emotion, that's normal. If we weren't supposed to feel emotions, they wouldn't be built into our bodies. Emotions were given to us. I know it's like much easier to suppress that Shin move on, you want to ignore the feelings because sometimes they can just be super painful or uncomfortable. But as humans, like, we naturally hate to feel uncomfortable. But here's the thing, right? You're going to push these feelings down, and they're going to start to bubble up. And you're going to take bold hands and you're gonna keep shoving them farther and farther down. And you're gonna probably they Okay, there we go, Oh, God, Oh, God. But that's it away, put it in a box. compartmentalize. But it's kind of like a stomachache, you're gonna start feeling super uncomfy not only now in your brain, but all up in the body. There's this thing in your brain. When you pretend feelings don't exist. You're sending a message to your brain that whatever the emotion is good or bad that it's dangerous. We are Homo sapiens, right, caveman. Our brain thinks we're in trouble, our body's going to respond like we are, that's hardwired into us. So then you're going to start feeling rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, that's normal for fear response. But trying to make the feelings smaller, you actually make them a larger and more overwhelming, because pushing them farther and farther down. Just because you're not acknowledging the motion. They're going to start showing up in different ways. Are you having trouble sleeping, you find yourself pouring, maybe more wine than normal, are more hard alcohol than normal. If you're a smoker, probably going to start smoking more often to like calm the nerves, right? And anxiety. Here's the thing with that. If you are feeling anxious, and you have no frickin idea why you're feeling so anxious, and you're trying to calm yourself down, you probably feel anxiety, about a completely different topic thinking that that's the culprit, corporate when in fact, it's the shit you're trying to suppress and forget about. Even if you've successfully forgotten about it. It's in the back of your brain at all times. And you know what it can actually manifest deeper than that. Go back to like the general generational gap and processing emotions. I was asked by someone close to me to talk about like, I'm going to read this quote. This is exactly what they put. They wanted me to talk about undiagnosed ADHD and learning disabilities and children and teens, that leads to anxiety and depression in adults, and a tendency to self medicate. And to piggyback on that, how it usually runs in families. Now, I want to dig into that topic, like on a different episode, like the whole topic. But I know the person who sent this to me and I know this person very well, I thought and I looked up to this person my entire life. And when I read it, it made me cry. Actually, I bawled in the bathtub. Because I can't help but wonder if this person I've looked up to my entire life and I never knew anything was wrong. Lauren Fritts 9:48 Do they want me to talk about it because that's what they deal with. Most people when I asked what they want me to talk about on my podcast, they're very specific topics. And I know the reason they brought up these topics because either they are dealing with it, or someone very close to them is dealing with it. It honestly breaks my heart. And then I have to ask myself, is that what happens when you don't acknowledge feelings? Or the things are wrong or when your parents don't allow you to acknowledge feelings, when there's that generational curse of, of not being not allowing people to not be okay? undiagnosed ADHD, that tends to lead to anxiety and depression and adults. Did your parents not allow you to have a learning disability or to suck it up? I know a lot of age, ADHD, oh, it's just, you know, it's just a kid, they don't want to study they don't want to do this. They you know, they're just being a kid. In turn is not honestly just important to like, feel feelings for ourselves. But we have to, because what we can cause to others by not feeling our feelings. And if you're going to be a parent, or you are apparent, this is why it's so important to learn a healthy way to process emotions, so that you can raise emotionally aware kids. So we can stop the generational curses of addiction, suicide, alcohol abuse, just because you don't want to be uncomfy you're willing to put your child through that you're willing to maybe in a few years, they're going to tell somebody who has a podcast or who's has a motivational speaking position or somebody that they need to know about undiagnosed ADHD as a child that leads to alcohol abuse as an adult, are you willing to put your child through that because you don't want to be uncomfy? I am very passionate about this topic. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for people. After you, your kids. We have to stop the way the world works right now. The shameful feelings of not being okay. Oh, don't cry. Oh, don't do that. It's not that bad. here actually, you know, what? If you have a child and they cry, and you say suck it up, because it's not that bad? Or you know, it's not that big of a deal. If you're saying that to a five year old. What's happening that makes them cry is the worst thing they've ever experienced in their entire life because they're five. You are 30 You are 35 You are 40. Who are you to say? What they're feeling right now is not valid. Passionate people passionate about this topic. Have you heard it? Okay. Have you guys seen the new Disney movie in Kanto? It's my one year old daughter's like new obsession. So we are on like, probably number 50 of watching it. It's a pretty free movie for a Disney movie. And when I say that, I mean like the characters have a lot of depth. So in a quick summary, and Kanto was about a huge family who all have different gifts or miracles or just another term of superpowers, right. And there is this one character her she's an Pappa Tia Pappa she can control the weather with her emotions. Good Feelings caused sunny skies and rainbows negative feelings cause clouds storms, hurricanes, the entire movie though. Whenever she gets stressed or worried and it starts to rain, or it forms a cloud. People always tell her to make a go away. Peppa, you have a cloud pepper. And as she started like petting her braid, clear skies, clear skies, clear skies. What I got from that, is that because her feelings are inconvenient for everybody else, she's meant to shut them out. So at the end of the movie when she releases her feelings, and when she's when she realizes she's allowed to feel or let it go, let it go, okay, you don't need to hear music. The cloud is actually only above her and nobody else. And she's like dancing inhale. When she would feel when people were suppressing it, it would turn the whole town into like a fricking hurricane. being allowed to feel your feelings allows you to better control them and learn how to handle your situations without it affecting everybody else. Feelings are not good or bad. It's what we do with them. The matter is you can't have happy without the sad how would you know if this situation was happy if you didn't know what sad was? You can't connect with others if you don't understand emotion. That's where empathy comes from. I want you to feel your feelings. If you didn't get that by now. I Lauren Fritts 14:47 want you to feel your feelings. But for a purpose. Hmm, yeah. After you're done crying, screaming, shaking, sleeping. It's time To find your purpose in the pain, there is purpose in pain. There is purpose in pain. Pain is not for no reason. You can't dwell in your shit. Feeling feelings is one thing, but allowing them to consume you allowing yourself to feel pity to play the woe is me game, we are here for that shit. You can't sit in your shit. Last Monday, I was feeling overwhelmed. Okay, I do have a few jobs a business that I run. I'm a mom, I work for Alibaba, I know I have a lot to do. And when I get overwhelmed, I tend to like retreat and just stop doing anything. Because I feel like I don't know where to start. I felt myself doing that on Monday. At first, I was all hyped to make it to do lists. And then when it came to taking the actual action, I froze. I ended up retreating. I was trying to be really aware of my feelings lately, especially with the podcast and trying to figure out how to help you guys. And what was causing them noticing my energy and I found I tend to want to disassociate when I get overwhelmed, like I don't want to talk to anybody, I get quiet, I'm in my own head. And I tend to want to take a bath before bed, and like sit on tech talk for hours. But before I would go to bed feeling overwhelmed, and I would let it take over my thoughts i which leads to waking up overwhelmed is just kind of like a vicious cycle. So instead, this time, instead of just accepting the fact I was overwhelmed, I wanted to like figure out why. So I opened up my journal and brain dumped everything on my mind. This is kind of a snippet, I took a snippet of what I journaled. I felt overwhelmed, and I was retreating. I wasn't really taking talking to my kids and my husband, the rest of the night, I was very much in my head thinking of everything. I started to feel my mood go down, I was really aware of what was happening. And I know I can't sleep without figuring this out. So why am I feeling overwhelmed? Where did this come from? When did it start, the feeling of overwhelm might be nervousness for the fact my futures taking off, and things are about to change. And I'm in a season of growth. So buckle up, baby, it's time to reach another level. Continuing reading for my journal, maybe overwhelm is just the feeling before you become the next version of yourself. And you have to get over the overwhelm to be able to actually elevate to that next version. Learn how to feel, learn how to control the feeling of overwhelm. Lauren, think of what used to be overwhelmed by that doesn't bother you now, because you're a different version of you from growth. Overwhelm is just before the next step in greatness. After processing that I suddenly felt like the entire weight lifted, my brain was clear, my anxiety was settled, I gotten to bed, I was able to smile for the first time in hours. I even felt this burst of energy and was so excited to tell my husband what I worked through. Being able to name the feeling that was taking over my brain, but also working through it to find the meaning allowed me to process, understand where it came from, and learn more about my thought process and how to overcome. But most importantly, also don't let it go. To continue. I want you to feel your feelings because I want you to heal, you need to heal you need to heal from the past, to continue on with the future you deserve. And when you learn how to heal from the feelings you have been carrying with you. Healing from things that happened to you tomorrow is going to be a lot easier and a lot quicker. Like I did form those habits of processing feelings. Recognize the signs if you're having trouble identifying or labeling the shit in your head. This is a sign you haven't fully processed them yet. I'm not going to leave you hanging and we're going to talk about how to process and use it to fuel your fire. But give yourself a fucking break. Unless you had some phenomenal upbringing by like a monk. Processing emotion probably will come natural to you. First, you can't process feelings if you don't notice your hand and then people you have to be willing to be self aware. Notice the emotions you're feeling good, bad, indifferent. The name that shit. I'm feeling angry. I feel resentful. I feel sadness. I feel jealousy. expand your vocabulary if you can't open up a thesaurus if you can't figure out the name for your feeling. Now here's the one thing you probably miss. Like most people accepting that shit. naming it is nothing. You have to end the struggle against the emotion we live in a society of like toxic positivity. Just think positive look on the bright side. This is overlining it's fucking horrible for the brain. Lauren Fritts 19:46 Accept it, but don't dwell in it right you're feeling it cool, accepted. You're in denial. But now it's time to move on. I want you to start a journal. Don't roll your eyes if I didn't say diary, no hardship glitter or pink binding lock that throw away. I mean, in less than two years, they can go right ahead. But honestly, nothing fancy, nothing you'll ever show anyone my journals actually my Google Drive because I can add it as an app on my phone, a shortcut like straight to it. So wherever I am, and I have a place to process. Plus, I can type faster than I write and I need to be able to like get it all out before I lose train of thought. I use my journal to brain dump, okay, it probably doesn't make sense at all. It's just like this continuous stream of thoughts. But by writing about the emotion freely, even if I don't know where to start, I found leads to the answer eventually, even if it takes like five pages to get through the process of why I still get there. So start a journal, and start with a simple question. Why the fuck am I feeling this right now? What caused it? How did I get here? Why am I feeling like this? Then just fucking word vomit emotion all over the page and get it how to get it out of the brain people. Now the next step, using feelings to fuel your fire, now that you've processed it, what the fuck are you gonna do with it? How can you learn from what's happening right now, when you're able to label the emotion and understand its cause you're in a much better place to address it with the right action, okay. But you need to choose which emotions you respond to. You don't have to respond to all of them, what ones need to be released because they don't serve you or what needs attention, my feeling of overwhelm that needed attention because I needed to learn the triggers and how to manage it. Since it'll happen again. If you're feeling fear, anxiety, it can actually be used as a powerful motivator act that encourages you to persevere through the shit that's making you anxious. The feeling of fear and anxiety can actually be repurposed. It's natural to feel anxious before like a presentation at work. But what it can also be is just your body's way of giving you energy you need to give a great performance. I remember there's this young girl on Ellen DeGeneres a few years ago. I don't know what they were talking about. I don't remember it. But I'll always remember what she said. She go, Ellen was like, Are you nervous? And she goes, I don't get nervous, nervous and excitement are the same feeling. And I choose to be excited bra why? I don't get nervous. Nervous and excitement are the same feeling. Think about it. It totally is. And she just chose excitement instead of being what? smart child anger now and just feel angry. It can be fueled into creativity. When you're in a bad mood, go back to like a difficult difficult problem you can solve. When I get angry I get like vengeful but in a way that's like I'm a prove you wrong. Think of negative emotion is like fuel that can burn on the path. The negative shit just might actually help you dig deeper and find a solution that that your happier self would never have uncovered. And V can be put like jealousy can be put into self betterment. Jealousy can trigger us feeling like the grass is greener on the other side. I wish I was like this. I wish I was like God, I wish I was pretty. But the actual emotion can be turned into bettering ourselves figure out why you're jealous? What is it that you really envy about that person? Your sister's friends or a sense of belonging? Maybe? Do you want your cousin's job? Or do you maybe just want a sense of like accomplishment. You can have anything you want in life, if you can identify what those things are. loss can lead to gratitude. Sometimes, I mean, we know that though, but like sometimes it takes losing something important to get us to feel grateful for what we still have. Negative emotions are fucking painful. But they're there to show you the next stage of growth. When you can see where the work needs to be done. You run towards it, instead of away from it. You stop suffering you grow, you use it to become the bad bit which being the best version of you, the one who will make you the most fulfilled and happy comes from letting your emotions teach you about what's most important. The most important thing that there is to know about yourself what you really want. Feeling bad isn't fucking failure. If you don't feel good, feeling bad if you feel bad, it's not you didn't fail. It just means you're not on the path on the right path to what you want. You've you dove a little to the side when you should be going to the left Lauren Fritts 24:45 or going to the right. Not doing anything that's failure. Okay. Excuses failure, quitting failure. When you turn your emotions like inside out at the core, that is all Honestly, probably love or like need need in some form not want need. If nothing else, just the negative emotions pass you have survived 100% of the bad days that you've had you've become stronger and I know sometimes the bad feels overwhelming but there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and no one is coming to save you it's not anyone else's job to get you through this but yourself if you're in the dark and there's this little all I can imagine is me on like this dark path and this little old graveyard man you know that like, works in the graveyard with his little lamp and his cane and the old like scraggly dog and he got honey, honey, let me Let me light your way to the light at the end of the tunnel. Let me help you down your path. But what if he like breaks ahead? What if he falls over dead? What if he has other responsibilities? Because your life isn't his and he's got shit to do and all this and you're in the dark? You can't rely on somebody to be the light. That's up to you. Are you in the dark and you can't find someone help you be the light you light yourself on fucking fire and you become the torch. We don't do glass slippers here. We do maybe some leather heels or leather pants and some red heels. We're our own heroes. No one's gonna feel bad about the emotions you have may be empathetic but no one can do anything about yourself. If nothing else, just no negative emotions pass not that the world is a mess and your life is terrible and all hell is about to break loose. But what you want is being blocked by the life you fear. Listen to it. Learn from it. Do something about it. Feel your feelings but don't sit in your shit. Feel your feelings. Let them fuel your fire. Now get your ass up. Go out and fucking slay light yourself on fire. Burn your own path. We're not waiting for Prince Charming we are Prince Charming. Now do me a favor. Go leave a five star review. Don't forget if you found any value in this whatsoever. Screenshot the episode share with your friends. tag me on Instagram at the Lauren Fritts. I'm proud of you and I love you feel those feelings. And we will see you next week.