Lauren Fritts 0:00 Hello beautiful souls and welcome to that Mental Shit. Time and time again, I get asked about confidence how to have it, how to get out of be it, I have no doubt confidence is something every single one of us have struggled with probably ever since grade school. And it's followed us into our adult years society bombards us with phrases like, not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not qualified enough, I get the struggle. I mean, how is anyone supposed to have confidence in a world like that. And that's why building confidence is so important. And you should be wanting to understand how to achieve it. wanting more confidence is completely normal. Confidence can change the world. When everyone realizes their own potential and confidence in their abilities, then we can change the world and the way they view those things. And honestly, in my opinion, there is no one answer. Confidence comes from everything we talked about on this podcast, self love, self esteem, self acceptance, working through limiting beliefs, stepping out of your comfort zone, because no one is born with confidence. No celebrities supermodel, the picture perfect girl on Instagram, we are born with competence. Nobody was competence is not a personality trait. It is a skill, even a muscle. And we can learn how to build those things. Being confident is nothing more than a belief in yourself. It's the feeling of knowing like you've got this shit, and that you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. And as I really thought about my personal viewpoint about confidence, because you can google how to have confidence, and it's always like some really simple, five simple steps to have confidence. And it's like put red lipstick on and put a pair of heels on and, you know, I mean, but really, what is it? I really want to dive deep and like I asked myself, What was the one thing that changed me and made me more confident. If you broke down all the work on self esteem, and limiting beliefs, what was one thing I did, like what it boiled down to what was the biggest thing I've learned so far, and it came down to learning how to love and accept my flaws. Learning how to love myself, becoming self aware of who I am, you'll hear me talk about that a lot. Self awareness, you have to become clear about your self identity, and what you believe to be true about yourself and what that means to you. Confidence is in short, owning who you are putting on that fucking crown and walking out that door. And being proud of the authentic person you are lack of confidence that comes from trying to hide who you are. And owning who you are, comes from knowing who you are. You can't find happiness, and other things other than yourself like true happiness, like long term fulfilling happiness, that happiness doesn't last finding it in other things. Confidence also before we go on is not arrogance. Feel like a lot of people are scared to be confident because mistaken for arrogance or being full of themselves. I don't want to, you know, boast about myself too much. And confidence is a feeling of self assurance that comes from an appreciation of our abilities or qualities. Arrogance is characterized by having an exaggerated sense of our importance and abilities like an arrogant person only feels smart. If somebody else feels stupid. An arrogant person doesn't have confidence. Arrogance comes from lack of confidence from insecurities. Arrogance comes from insecurities, the sense of their sense of themselves depends on thinking less of somebody else. So now True Confidence only comes within yourself. And it's not finding the good things within you. The good things that are like easy to love. It's about loving the things that you think are wrong with you. Because once you learn to love the flaws, they're no longer flaws. And there's a power in that. In episode three, we talked about limiting beliefs and how our flaws are born and rooted in the limiting beliefs we tell ourselves, I encourage you to go back and listen to that as well. And honestly, can I just say that I hate the word flaws. Like I said who? Who said that they were flaws. I'm that's a whole different conversation. But like so I'm bipolar. That's a fact. It is a fact. Is it a fact I've always loved about my life? No, I haven't always loved being bipolar. But it wasn't until I learned to love things about my bipolar that made me me. You wasn't until I realized like, what if you took away my bipolar? And it took away parts of me that I love, like I love the fact that I am bubbly and energetic and outgoing. And part of that can be mistaken as mania. And if you take away my bipolar, what if it took away that? So if you take away my Polar you're actually taking away in essence, who I am or my favorite things about myself. Loving your flaws. That's the mental switch that makes the magic of confidence happen. Loving your flaws means that I need you to stop apologizing for who you are. I need you to stop apologizing for who you are. We say I'm sorry, way too damn much, especially as women. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm late. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't answer the phone call. Oh, I'm sorry. I was too loud. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I did it for many years, and then all transparency like I still slip up to this day. My lack of confidence stemmed from the belief that I was too much, too loud, do in your face, do talkative, too nerdy do quirk I would say I would always find myself apologizing to the people around me for being me. Like I would be at a social function, or a party or with new people. And I would be like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, I'm a lot. Or I'd ask if I was at a new place. But I knew a few people I'd go ask those people I know. And I'd be like, am I being too much. It's been the biggest limiting belief I've ever worked through and still continue to work through because it's so deeply ingrained in me, apologizing for who I was I It wasn't until my friend Alex stopped me. And we were in Vegas. And I'll never forget this. We were in Vegas. And it was the first time like, we were more internet friends. We met through our network marketing business. And it was the first time I'd really spent all that time like a whole week with these girls that like I love. And I kept asking her and I'm like, am I being too much like I know Alex could handle me but can everybody else and and she stopped me dead in my tracks, and was like Stop saying you're too much. You are the perfect amount of much. We love you. Listen to me, You don't owe anyone an apology for who you are, and what you want. What people have told me as a flaw about myself, I love that. Have you been told you're too much. Maybe you've seen that flaw? You're maybe seen that as a flaw your entire life. But being too much just means you're too much for the wrong people, you will always be just the perfect amount for the right people. But you have to learn to love and embrace the things that make you you good and air quotes bad. And that's when true competence comes when your flaws are no longer your flaws. And maybe they are still flaws in someone else's eyes. But who gives a shit what they think I think your flaws are what make you magic or Tyra Banks says you'd be floss them. I just think of flossing my teeth. But what's next, you can't play the comparison game. This is a big one when it comes to self confidence and flaws. You can't play the comparison game because there's literally no one on this earth like you. And I'm not going to be like because you're unique and God made that no, no one has lived your life. Had your parents went to your school, had your siblings lived your experiences, met the people did the things. There's no one else in this world that has lived this exact life but you maybe you have lived a similar experience with somebody. But no one else has lived the identical blueprint that is your life. And that makes you you besides your heart and your soul that makes you unique, your life and what you've lived makes you you. There's a confidence in owning that and knowing that you are the only you use that carry that with you. So we need to work on loving the flaws not working. I'm not trying to change your flaws. Because I don't want you to change yourself. We need to work on loving them and finding the silver lining in them. If someone listed all my traits, good and bad strengths or flaws. Bipolar would probably be number one list of laws on somebody listed me mental instability is what the world would call it. But look at me. Look at what I'm doing. I am using what the world would consider my biggest flaw to my biggest advantage. And that gives you a confidence that is almost unshakable because no one can tell me shit, because I'm doing what they told me they couldn't do My favorite phrase is be like, Am I making you uncomfortable is my success is my confidence, making you uncomfy you have to make people uncomfortable, because making somebody in uncomfy with your success in your mindset is just because there's is lacking. When we are looking at what we think are flaws and starting to learn to love them, we have to make courageous moves. Courage is what happens when we lack confidence in face of fear. Fear, meaning, our comfort zone in this conversation and courage is almost more notable. Because courage takes strength, a mental strength that confidence doesn't need, I want you to make a list of all your traits, all of them, put them in a column for them in two columns of how you perceive them, perceive good or bad fire or flaws. Now remember, flaws, the idea of something being a flaw is a perception. And that's what we're trying to change is your perception flaws pave the way to your distinction of how different and unique you are. Because as you look around, everyone is different and flawed. Even the world itself has its cracks and dents, and oftentimes, like the Grand Canyon, as a big old crack in the world, but it's considered a natural wonder. To be confident means to be yourself, to be beautiful, means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself, while your imperfections, make you who you are. If you don't learn to embrace them, it can affect everything without your imperfections that the essence of who you are would be gone. accepting who you are. That's the beginning. That's the beginning step to the magic you've been looking for. It's a beautiful thing. It's about being vulnerable and opening our eyes to our traits and seeing our flaws and a whole new light. And yeah, it hurts at first, bro like it does. But the pain to get through that. Like, I can say because I've done it is worth 1000 lifetimes. By changing our perception to see our flaws as neutral traits that are both good and bad. We change how we choose to react to things. I have learned to see the benefits of my bipolar I'm an empathetic person who understands that people everyday are fighting silent battles. I am more vocal in my love and understanding to others, which has helped strengthen my relationship with those around me and given love to people who may not have felt it. And think of it this way, the very things you perceive as weaknesses or flaws might actually be strengths. If you reframe that reframing is when you see that a thought you're having is charged with a lot of like challenging feelings. So you say to the thought, bro, you're not helping going to find a more positive alternative for you. Today is not the day, and I am not the bitch. Sometimes our weaknesses are the very thing that drives us to do great things. Take Taylor Swift, for example, if she hadn't gotten her heart broke, she never would have written songs millions of girls could relate to seeing your flaws as strengths can help you accept them. Now that list you made of all your traits, look at your flaws, call them I'm doing air quotes here people, it's time to see them in a whole new light. Nothing is ever completely good or completely bad. Find the benefit of that one thing you have trouble accepting. And change your perception to see that it's not so bad after all. Another big component of accepting who you are, and this is to practice gratitude daily. We all have so much to be grateful for gratitude helps to cultivate a positive mindset, which will help you accept yourself for who you really are. So I want you to create a daily gratitude journal and list three things every day you're grateful for. And I challenge you to make those things different every day. If you want to build self confidence, you have to practice having confidence daily. Confidence isn't built in a day. It is built in the daily actions we take. Do something courageous every day and I'm not saying go jump out of an airplane. But do something you've been putting off something simple. Something you have doubt in yourself in. Take a flaw in your list and challenge it. Make that phone call you've been waiting two weeks to make. Ask your boss for a raise, post that story on Instagram or do a funny tick tock. Do something that makes you uncomfortable. It takes courage to do that. And when You do the thing that took courage, you build confidence in your abilities, and continue to do one uncomfortable thing daily and you'll start to slowly build that confidence in yourself. There are so many beautiful and imperfect things about you, that make you you. And to start to gain the confidence in all the areas of your life, you feel you need them, start to learn to love those things. And remember, this is an ongoing journey. Confidence will feel easy one day and fucking hard the next. Giving yourself Grace during this, like I'm proud of you for even wanting to do the work and showing up. So let's recap. You're going to stop apologizing for who you are. You're going to write down the good and the bad air quotes about yourself. And you're going to rethink the way you see those flaws. And each day you're going to challenge them by doing something courageous. You got this you floss sumbitch trust me. And I'll end like always by saying I love you. I'm proud of you. And I believe in you and I know you might have trouble loving yourself being proud of yourself for believing in yourself right now. And that's okay. So until you can do this alone, use my love and believe in you to get up, go out and fucking kill it today. Don't forget to leave five stars and share this with your friends. Confidence is something we all struggle with. Send this off and head over to IG and follow me for more daily mindset at the Lauren Fritts. Have a phenomenal day. We'll see you next time.