Leave ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ at Apple Podcasts // Listen on Spotify
Lauren Fritts 0:00
Hello, and welcome to that Mental Shit. I’m your host, Lauren, but you can call me Lo. It is episode three. And I am here to talk to you about beliefs because beliefs are actually the basis of your core, your story, but beliefs don’t always serve us, many of our beliefs can actually hinder us. First, I want to ask you a question before we kind of get into it. Is there something that is holding you back? Or is there something you wish you could do? Or want to do that you feel like you just aren’t good enough? Or maybe you think to yourself, Well, I would really love to do that. But that just is not something I would do. Most of the time, there’s only one thing in your life that is standing in your way. And she is looking right back at you in the mirror. Yeah, there’s no room for excuses. And this one, I’m not going to let you put this on someone else today for where you’re at in your life circumstances, situations. Yes, they do contribute. But the biggest obstacle in your life is you. It’s you. And you probably didn’t even realize that until this moment. So don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m also not going to let you blame yourself, right? But what we’re going to do is we’re going to accept the self awareness that we have been the ones holding ourselves back and then we’re going to go on we’re going to learn, we’re going to love and we’re going to conquer. One of the best motivational speakers in the world is Tony Robbins, and he is known for saying the only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself. Mark Victor Hansen says your beliefs determine your actions and your action determines your results. But first, you have to believe beliefs form the foundation of your decision. Your decisions lead your actions, your actions define your results, and your results feed back into your belief. The other day, I watched this phenomenal new documentary on Netflix called 14 Peak, not 14 peaks, nothing is impossible. If you haven’t heard of it. It’s about a mountaineer mountain near mountaineering person called, they call him nim. And he is a mountaineer from Nepal. And his team as they attempt to climb all 14 8000 are peaks within a record time of under seven months. The previous record is held by some other mountaineer, but he achieved it in seven years. So going from seven years to seven months. But the cool thing about is he isn’t even like some mountaineering Marvel that’s been training his whole life. For this moment.
He didn’t even start mountaineering until he was 29. His family was very poor. They lived in Nepal, he served in the military for many of years. He wasn’t your average mountain climber. He is He quotes, I was told that my project was impossible. So I decided to name it project possible. What I was told that my project was impossible. So I decided to name it project possible. That is the biggest middle finger if I have ever heard, spoiler alert, he does it in six months, and six days, and he wouldn’t have been able to do that without the strongest belief in himself. For him his beliefs would have made the difference between life and death, quote, unquote, from them, I have to be sure about it. Because giving perfect example on my quest to climb 14 peaks. Nobody believed in me. I had no funding. It was my I was my own supporter. I was at least my own believer. That’s what pushed me that’s what made me different. Hands down, the most important belief you will need is within yourself. So now I asked you. Do you believe in yourself? Like really believe in yourself? Because if you were able to believe in Santa for eight years, you can believe in yourself for more than five seconds. I know it’s easy to believe in Santa Claus, because he’s like magic and shit. But so are you. We just have to figure out how to harness that magic. I believe in you, you know I do. But just like your mommy and daddy that believed in you. We know that isn’t going to lead a successful or happy life. It’s only going to get us so far. Other people’s belief in us will only go so far. It sounds so simple, but the hidden force that’s been holding you back from happiness and success is yourself. And the reality is you probably have never even given yourself a chance. You’ve been your own worst enemy every step of the way. Today, we’re going to get you to start thinking more of yourself. Think of it like this, you know, when you get like that trial version of an app, and it gives you like the basic info or ability to do things like it’s free, right? You go to your app store and you’re like, well, it’s not 99 cents, it’s free, it’s free. So I’m gonna download it. But it only gives you kind of like the basic ability to do things and you have to like pay for the full package, a low the premium version, the good shit, right, that actually makes the app worth it, the premium version, because we all know that free versions are always crap. Anyway, you got to pay for. So now think of it like this, who you are right now, is only the trial version of you. The average version, you haven’t unlocked the full package yet. Because the full package takes a little work, it ain’t free. I know you have dreams,
we all have dreams. Maybe you call them wishes, or bucket lists. Why not? Now? Why not? Now? Why are you okay? Living the free version of life? Why are you waiting to unlock everything that is waiting for you. It’s all in your head. In your beliefs, I guarantee some of you are sitting there right now thinking this is all it’s gonna be. But I’m here to tell you, you’re so damn wrong. It’s not even funny. I don’t care how old you are, or where you are at in your life. George Eliot said, it’s never too late to be what you might have been. I am obsessed with that quote. So I’m gonna say one more time, it’s never too late to be what you might have been. Let’s talk about what beliefs actually are. Because this is really important to understand, we’re gonna break it all down into the basics. The definition of belief is the acceptance that a statement is true, or that something exists. acceptance that a statement is true. The definition of belief is not a true statement. It’s just accepting that a statement is true, but just accepting a statement into like, most people live their entire lives. Never aware of this and simply accept our beliefs as truth and never ever question where they came from. A person can base beliefs on so many different things, beliefs come from three areas. One how you were raised, as well as the beliefs your family instilled on you how you interpreted those beliefs. This could cover like such a wide range of topics from whether you feel valued by others, to what type of career path you should take to how you should behave in social settings, to your education, might not only your teachers, but like your family, friends and peers. While growing up, you’re constantly learning and absorbing new information, ideas and opinions about yourself as a person as well as how things work. And this can shape your own conceptions of what you can and cannot do. Three your life experiences is big one, especially any of the end negatively. And the conclusions you draw from them. These experiences can create the limiting beliefs is like a defense mechanism to avoid adverse feelings in the future. And that’s completely normal. Since a young age, I was told I was a lot and I talked too much right on my report card. I think my mom said it was 12 report cards, I had talks too much like a negative thing. That was a that was a deduction on your report card right talks too much. I was told in social settings when I got really hyper. Lauren, you’re too much. A lot of people can’t handle you, You’re too much. And I literally kind of just like internalize that as a bad thing, right? Sounds like a bad thing. And I just accepted that.
Is it a true statement? No. But in my head, I literally was like, Hmm, that sounds like something I should carry around to my heart for the rest of my life. At some point in your life, something happened to you. And you either accepted someone else’s opinion of you as truth, or interpreted the situation in a way that wound up limiting you. And you can either be a victim of that trauma, or a victor. And how you decide to handle it is completely up to you. But you have to let go of the past and let go of what those people said or did to you. Beliefs that hold us back or frame ours called like limiting beliefs, right? That’s what we’re talking about limiting beliefs. limiting beliefs are state of mind. It restricts you, it limits you limiting beliefs are like icebergs. They’re the negative feelings and beliefs you have about yourself. And just like iceberg, They lurk beneath the surface. And apparently, somebody on a big ship was supposed to look out for the iceberg doesn’t see the iceberg and end up crashing your ship and cutting it in half and killing a hole but don’t have an iceberg. They can lurk beneath the surface. You may have never even spoken them out loud, but they impact your thinking and your confidence. I was listening to a talk I can’t remember who it was from a limiting beliefs and they said that you’re living beliefs if you don’t know what they are your limiting truths or core stories about yourself sit on the edge of your bed at night in silence. And think of a situation or something you want to do, or a dream or bucket list, and maybe you haven’t said it out loud. Now pay attention to every single little thought that comes into your mind after that, Oh, nope, can’t do Oh, no, I can’t do that. Because I’m a working mom. And I do this. And I don’t have time. Oh, I can’t do that. Because I don’t have the money. I can’t travel the world. Okay. Those are your limiting beliefs. And the crazy thing is, is we don’t even notice them because we’re so used to having them. Having those thoughts is not normal. Wrong. Having those thoughts is normal, not healthy, we can get those to stop. We’ve all heard the term being placed in a box, right? Well, that’s what our limiting beliefs do. Keep us in the secluded, lonely box. It’s our limitations we place on our own lives. Because of these damn beliefs. The world tells me because I’m bipolar, I’ll have a hard life and I won’t amount to anything. Damn box, the world tells me I’m only 30 that I haven’t paid my dues yet that are not old enough to know, true success, deserve it, or really know anything else in life. Damn box, the world tells me I’m female. So I’ll never be successful as any man no matter how hard I try that damn box. But your true version of your life must exist outside of this box. Your beliefs are at the core of who you are. And they influence every aspect of your life in every conceivable way. Your beliefs essentially influence 95% of the decisions you make and the actions you take. They form the foundations of your self concept, which then determines how you see yourself in relation to the world around you. But remember, beliefs are not facts. Beliefs are just the labels you give yourself, the limitations you put on yourself and the expectations you have of yourself. You have to let go of the negative and you have to work through that before you do anything. I’m not asking you to forget your past. We don’t do it. We were self aware. At the mental shit. We don’t forget things. But we become self aware of what’s happening.
And I’m asking you to please heal, please heal so that you can get back to the full version of yourself. So you can actually be your authentic self, and give more to the world because the more you give, the more you get. That’s how this works. Given all of this, the first step, we’re going to take this together to transforming your limiting beliefs comes down to identifying them. However, this process isn’t always simple, straightforward, or painless. It will take insight and understanding to figure out what these beliefs are and how they’re preventing you from moving forward. You don’t need to change anything about your past, you only need to change your perception of it, the things you’ve learned the way you see it. The idea here is to reframe your past experiences, the real ones that objectively happened, not your bullshit interpretation of them. I always see if a fact is something that can be held up in a court of law, I love to argue I love to be right. I cannot do that with feelings. I can do that with facts, you can win with fact. So if your facts can be held up in a court of law, they’re valid. When the narrative shifts, everything flows your new story, which we will work on will redefine your sense of self, quite literally who you are when this happens. Your beliefs about what is possible, for example, will transform you receive what you are telling your subconscious mind you deserve. I was telling my mind that I wasn’t good enough that I was a lot that I was too much. So that’s what I saw all around me. It’s called confirmation bias. If you really decide you want a red car and you want to buy a red car, you will see 1000s of red cars on the road all the sudden, they were always there but now that you’re thinking about it, you’re you’re confirming it in your mind by seeing them and being aware of them. If you change the limiting stories, you tell yourself, you will be able to change your life from your perception. Allow me to present one word that can make or break you as you go after the life you want. Self narrative. I thought it was two words it is not two words. There’s a hyphen in there. I didn’t finish school people. When was the last time you flat out stopped yourself from doing something merely because just because it like didn’t seem like something you would do. Going to the movies alone. dyeing your hair, trying a new job you felt an initial moment of excitement right like that tiny spark of something stirring your interest. And then the doubt demons did what they do best and they get in your mind and they shut you down. Tap into your Enter child for a moment. remember thinking, Hey, that looks cool. I want to try that and just doing it. My son’s like, Hey, Mom, I want to jump off the rock, and then he just goes and jumps off the rock. You had nothing to lose back then, at some point in young adulthood, self doubt crept in. What what other think, what? What does this say about me? Will I be good at it? I’m here to set you free with this one. Any action you choose to take can be something you would do on one condition. You do it? I hate it when people are like, oh, I want to do this, but I can’t. And I’m like, Why? Why? What’s stopping you?
Well, saying no. You’re stopping you. Member We don’t do excuses here. That’s it. All it takes to be a writer is to write all it takes to be a morning person is to wake up in the morning. Catch me merely by doing the thing whatever it is, it becomes something you would do. Sorry, no secret to life here that simple. And just like that the story has changed. By doing the thing, your story has changed. So now love it’s time you come to know a new reality. And on that you intentionally designed that empowers you to be that bad bitch. You need to realize how much untapped potential lies inside of you and begin to attract to you the opportunities and circumstances that you need that will create the life you want. Bob Heilig is the creator of your virtual upline. He calls these your red light and green light stories, beliefs, form stories, and those become your core stories that we use to make decisions about our everyday life. Greenlight stories are positive, right? They propel us forward. This is what we do to ourselves in every moment in every area of our life. We’re looking to the future out an action we are about to take and imagining a specific outcome. Greenlight story propels us forward? Or are we looking to our past and assigning meaning to something that already happened? Think of something you’ve always wanted to do. If failure if judgment if those things were on the table, what is something you would love to do? can pee on America’s Got Talent? Go back to college, finish your degree. When you think of doing that one thing you have in your brain, you immediately create a red light story about how people will laugh at you. If you sing in public or you’re too old to go back to school, you automatically feel fear. And let me give you a totally different way to look at that fear. Fear is you imagining a negative outcome for an action that you haven’t even yet taken. When you think of it like this, it’s ridiculous. You’re fearing something that doesn’t exist yet. Like the monsters under your bed. You have absolutely no freaking way of knowing what people will think of your singing voice or you going back to school. You’re not all knowing. You don’t know stop acting like you do. But we’re really good, aren’t we out imagining every possible negative outcome that could happen and making it a really great story as to why we shouldn’t take that action and wonder you feel stuck. Right? There are only two possible places that you can create your core story from love or fear. Every single moment of your life you’re either acting from love or fear. Love makes you feel worthiness capable who you are. Acceptance, responsibility, ownership, fear, scarcity, not enough what you do comparison, victim blame. What we’re going to do today is take a journey back to love Love is the foundation that makes personal freedom possible in your life. Returning to love is the journey of discovering who you really are. When you show love to yourself, you ignite a new belief of what could be what is the last time you told yourself you loved? When’s the last time you looked in the mirror and you’re like, hey, I love you. You tell a lot of people a lot of great things about them. And people tell you a lot of great things about you. But when’s the last time you said it to yourself? And I really want you to think about the next question. I’m going to ask you. Are you actually okay with yourself? Do you love who you are? Are you proud of yourself? Most of us honestly don’t know how to live with ourselves. We don’t recognize the potential inside of ourselves are the gifts that we have to offer the world which leads to negative self talk like I’m not worthy of success. I don’t have what it takes. I’m not worthy of love. The first step in letting go of your limiting beliefs is building a foundation for loving yourself and understanding your own self worth. You must learn how to appreciate all that you are you didn’t create yourself you were created. It’s not your place to judge the creation. It’s your job to marvel at it. You are for the world. You are for the world. You must believe that Starting today, you have to identify your limiting beliefs and core stories. What are the negative thoughts you tell yourself at night or that emerge as you debate taking on a new project? Or try something new? What negative thoughts pass through your head even just for a moment? Write them down. Now reflect on how they’re currently getting in your way,
or have impacted you in the past? What promotions Did you pass up? What new opportunities? Did you say no to because you didn’t think you were ready? Or capable? Or worthy? How much time did you waste putting things off because of those negative beliefs? Next, identify the source. Next search for the source of that belief. Was it a random comment from your past, a commonly held belief in your family, you have to get to the source of the belief before eliminating, because when you get to the source, you have to assess the validity of them. self limiting beliefs tend to get easily rooted in our subconscious and are rarely challenged. But remember what I said beliefs are not facts. Facts hold up in a court of law beliefs don’t challenge your beliefs, or their facts to support it, or is it based on fucking perception and opinion? Now that we know where they’ve come from, let’s kill them, we’re going to kill them simple as develop an alternative belief and constantly challenge them. I’m going to give you a real life example of my own limiting belief work through my believe I’m a lot. That’s what I believe, for a really long time, I was a lot too much. An example. I was told that a lot. But what’s the actual fact? So I love hard. I talk a lot because I have a lot to say, and I don’t want people to feel lonely. I do it from love and encouragement. I’m not a lot. I’m just a lot to the people who don’t, aren’t worthy of me. And I’m the perfect amount for the people who love me. When you tell the story of your limiting belief, how does that make you feel? feelings lead to action. So if you have a negative feeling, you’re going to take negative action, you’re not going to make a good one. And then what’s going to be the result negative. But if you look at your belief, and you actually take the fact from it. You’re your new story, your new creation. So if you have a negative belief, but the fact is positive, I’m going to use an example from somebody in my life who shall remain nameless. They were up for a promotion. But it would be the first female in their promotion. And they were worried about what all the males in their industry were going to think. And I was like, Well, okay, what’s the fact? I would be the first female in blank position? Like shit, that sounds a little empowering, doesn’t it? Before the belief was? Well, I would be the first female in a male dominated industry. I’m like, Okay, well, how does that make you feel? What makes me feel less than? What are you going to do? Probably not take the promotion. Like, okay, but what’s the actual fact? I will be the first female blank in this position ever, in history? Like, well, how’s that make you fucking feel? We’ll empower and I’m like, Well, what are you gonna do? I’m gonna take the position. That’s the difference between fact and feeling. Facts can empower. Feelings are bullshit sometimes. So when you tell the story of your limiting belief, how does that make you feel? Your new belief? How does that make you feel? Empowered, excited? And what will you do now that you feel that way? Every time I have a negative thought about myself, I go through this work. Taking Back Your power is being willing to test out those reframed beliefs in the real world. Okay, you won’t be able to overcome your limiting beliefs. If you don’t see real contradicting evidence in your behavior. You cannot lie to yourself. lying to yourself breaking promises to yourself is the worst part. It’s easiest way to break down confidence. If you don’t keep promises to yourself. I don’t care if nobody knows you broke them, you know, you broke them. And the number one relationship you need to have with with anybody in the world is yourself and as a good one. Well, you are the ones who create your limiting beliefs. It’s your behavior that solidifies them. Remember confirmation bias, likewise, it’s your behavior that will debunk them. I went my entire life calling myself a quitter. A hobbyist I was really keyword. I said hobbyist. I’m a hobbyist. I go from here and there and I don’t really stick with anything in reality I was a quitter. I am no longer a quitter. I remember the exact day that I decided to not be a quitter. That’s how simple it is. I woke up one day and I said, Well, I’m just not going to be a quitter. And I’ve not quit anything I’ve ever started since. You can either define your story or to
continue to let your story to on you. Your new story will redefine your sense of self, quite literally who you are. When this happens, your beliefs about what is possible, for example will transform, your capabilities will rapidly improve, your behavior will permanently shift, your environment itself will start to change. Make yourself the hero. In the story we all know in our bones, the one we all admire and aspire to where the hero you overcomes adversity, and past challenges in the quest for constant improvement. Who you want to be who you are right now. Number one, who you are right now is not who you have to be. You’re a beautiful person and you are strong baby girl, you are strong. But this isn’t it for you. You are perfect the way you are. But you could be the best you could be a better version of you’re already perfect self. This isn’t it for you. You can keep going. wealth, health growth, whatever you want can be yours. far easier than you ever thought possible. You just need to be the main character in the story where good stuff happens. Leaving these feelings of your subconscious will only empower them. Once you meet these beliefs head on, acknowledge them without judgment. And from there, counter them with the ways you prove them wrong, then you’ll be able to really get into that confidence, right? The doctors put a limitation on me when I was 19. They told me I was bipolar and that it was so bad, I would never amount to anything. Every company I’ve worked for since I was 21 has put limitations on me because of my age, I was old enough or smart enough or know enough to have a say you have to pay your dues. I am where I am today at 30 years old because I never once I believe any limitation that was ever put on me.
It was my life’s mission to prove them wrong, maybe because I’m stubborn. And I was willing to be really, but it was my mission, you have to be careful what you think and what you put your mind towards, because you’re going to get it. Your mind is so powerful, you are more powerful than you think you are. So you have to get clear on what you want. Your time is now to get what you’re looking for the time is now for you to be okay with being great. No matter what box your parents put you in what society put you in what you put yourself in. Your box is flimsy, it isn’t heavy, it isn’t made of stone, your box is made of cardboard. And it’s very easy to move. Think of your box literally like I want to imagine yourself in a cardboard box, four walls in a roof and a bottom. You feel a little claustrophobic in that box, right? See the person who put you in that box told you that there was no way to get out. And you got to stay there. And instead of trying to find a way out, you just accepted that you were going to live the rest of your life in this box and you went okay. But what if they were wrong. And you decided to try and find a way out after spending many years in that box would have after years of accepting your life in this box, you just reach your hand up and touch the lid of the box and the lid moved. And then you push the little little more and a little more. And pretty soon the lid of that box was 100% open. And you saw the you saw the sun and you felt the wind and you smelled the fresh air and the sun in your face for the first time in years. And then you stood up in the box. And you lifted one foot out and you place it on the ground beside the box. And then you lifted the other. And soon you’re standing on the outside of that box. And you look back and you walk away. And you walk away and live the life you’ve dreamed about all those years. All the years you spent living in that box that you dreamed about, you walked away into that dream life. And before you walk away, you stare at it and you think you’re thinking to yourself, if only I would have lifted the lid all those years ago, I wouldn’t have wasted so many years of my life in that box. When you feel like no one is watching you’re wrong.
One person is watching and it’s your future self begging you to make a change and show some guts to do that little extra now so that you can live with pride and live the life you want later. You can’t let your future self down stop living the trial version of life. Pay fucking 99 cents. Unlock the premium version.
And I’ll end like I always do by saying I love you. I’m proud of you and I believe in you. And I know you might have trouble loving yourself and being proud of yourself or even believing in yourself right now. And that’s okay. So until you can do this alone, use my love and believe in you to get up. Go out and kill it today. Don’t forget to give us five stars share with your friends. Head over to Instagram Graeme and follow me for more daily mindset at the Lauren Fritts we’re doing confidence week this week I am so excited to talk to you guys next week have an amazing day