Leave ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ at Apple Podcasts // Listen on Spotify
Lauren Fritts 0:00
Welcome back to that mental shit this is not your average mindset podcast. This is a no bullshit space for the woman who wants to master her mind, strengthen her mental health and gain confidence to be her best self by finding that bad veg magic with it. I’m your host, Lauren, but you can call me low. And today we’re going to talk about that big old bitch judgment or the fear of judgment. The reason I wanted to start my whole podcast career with this topic is because before we can move forward together into the deeper shit, in order to become the bad bitch, we want to be we need to be the first step is conquering fear of judgment. And I was trying to like workshop a whole bunch of different ways to say fear of judgment, because I feel like it’s really overused, but there’s no other way to say it. It’s honestly a fear of being judged by others. And we need to conquer that fear or at least acknowledge and take the steps to eventually conquer it, right. And now, this is a universal topic. Everyone, no matter how young, old, rich, poor, we all deal with judgment.
We are all aware of judgment and no matter what in in some aspect, we fear it will the fear always be there most likely, but that’s okay. It’s one thing to have the fear. But it’s another thing to allow that fear to hold you back. So I’m only 30 which means I have spent a large majority of my life already caring what other people thought of me. I was bullied like I was bullied real bad, especially in grade school and all the way through high school. Like there are a few and says I’m sure like me, if you were bullied, there’s a few instances that are like burned in the back of your head. in grade school, I had dry scalp or dandruff and there was a particular boy from about fifth eighth grade the love to comment on it every day, behind me in line from across the room and cloth. Then when I was about 13 I was at a pool that my family was a part of like a club. And we’ve long to it and I was with right that was a good friend at the time. I was in a two piece zoo and had walked away from my friend to use the restroom. Like the my back was facing her and when I came back she told me you probably shouldn’t walk so fast because when you do that all your love handles jiggle 13 I was told that and for probably 12 years after that, I never walked fast in a bikini because her voice was always like echoing in my head. I have been told by a majority of people in my life from a young age I talk too much. I’m a lot and I probably only stopped apologizing for it within the past year even when I started making this podcast I called my friend and said what if people think I’m too much and she’s like you will be too much for some people weren’t and that’s okay but that’s not why you’re doing it. You’re doing this for the people who need your muchness love that who need your muchness fear of judgment in other words, giving a shit what people think about you. It’s not only that, but caring so much about what other people think about you that you have let it control certain aspects of your life. And that’s where it can get dangerous. It’s then the question of how do we continue to live the life we want fulfilled, happy and just not giving a fuck? So first, before we get into like the nitty gritty of how to say fuck you to judgment. Let’s talk about why we have it first, because it’s so wired into us at such a young age that not many of us understand why it’s even there. So what is the fear of being judged? We all have moments when we are afraid of people’s judgement, no matter how confident we are. And it’s that feeling of like stiffening up before you speak, biting your tongue because you’re worried about what someone might think it’s not taking the dream job because that’s not what your parents wanted for you. Or it’s not hitting posts on that selfie for social media because of what that one girl from high school might think of you. Sometimes it shows up as going along with something you don’t agree with just to be liked or feeling indecisive when you know you can’t please everyone. So why do we care so much about what people think? Humans are social animals, right? knots. since way back when our ancestors were in a cave and narrow didn’t exist, and we’re all hairy and beat each other of the head with the sticks. We’ve had this innate need for belonging.
Actually, in social psychology, this emotional need for community and a group acceptance is like an actual it’s called belongingness. You would think we’ve come up for like a way more scientific name for that, but that’s what they call it is belongingness we have a need to belong and to be accepted. So when we can build on and maintain positive relationships, and that’s probably why we find it so challenging to step out of that social norm and step out of our box and do our own shit. But after I was reading that. Also at that point sounds way too simple. Like, I feel like there’s more to it than that. And personally, I know that a lot of my past fear of judgment was more a fear that I wasn’t good enough, right. Like, I feared that I’ll fail in my podcast because I’m not good enough. I fear failure in motherhood or marriage, because I wasn’t good enough. I feared what people would think of me in anything I did. Because if they were right, but not only if, if they were right, what if all the horrible things I already thought about myself and my abilities turned out to be true. So it’s not necessarily fear of judgment, but also feel a failure because you don’t feel good enough. And I think sometimes we don’t do things because what if, what if it’s true, right? That’s there’s always that in the back of our head. What if the horrible things I think about myself are true. And if I fail, that does not mean those things are right. It’s like the confirmation bias, right? What if all the horrible things I already thought about myself and my abilities turned out to be true? And honestly, that’s because we’ve been conditioned to think this way that we aren’t enough that we aren’t good enough by society like, girl you’re not thin enough. Here’s the juice cleanse your you’re not rich enough. So here’s an investment plan for you. You’re not cool enough. So here’s a $500 purse with a matching Gucci sweater that Kim Kardashian said if you were you’ll be cool. You’re not pretty enough. But don’t worry, we have a full coverage foundation, and 65 different ways to contour your face. So you’re going to be completely unrecognizable. We are literally reminded that we are not enough constantly. So before we go on, let’s take a minute to remind you of what bullshit that actually is.
Because you are enough. Not only are you enough, but you are a damn badass with an endless amount of potential. Now, we’ve covered that we all have the damage judgment chillin in the back of our heads. But I want to take a minute to help you realize exactly how detrimental living in fear of judgment is. And give you a little tough law before we move on to like the tangibles of getting over the fear of judgment. So there’s something right now that you want, that you want to wear, that you want to do a dream, you’re not chasing the thing, you want to be the thing you want to do bla bla bla, bla, bla, there’s some thing. There is something there. So think about it. You’ve refused to chase this dream, you refuse to do this thing because of other people. That is the biggest thing, right? It’s making a life changing decision for ourselves and our family, based on the judgment of other people. Judgment in 2022 mostly comes from the source of social media, it’s a big one. If you’re like me, I share most of my life on social media. And every time you post or you say something, or you share something, you have a large likelihood of being judged by either a family member or a chick, you went to high school with a random stranger. But let me walk you through how that judgment is probably going. The worst case scenario, the worst case scenario, you’re going to post a picture a selfie, a beautiful picture of your gorgeous face. And that dumb bitch Britney from high school who made your life a living hell over 10 years ago, who you probably haven’t spoken to since by the way, is scrolling through Instagram scrolling past 100 other posts because she probably has nothing better to do with her life. She’s going to scroll past your face. She’s going to pause she’s going to think probably something judgmental in her head. And then keep scrolling. And then keep scrolling. Let’s give a different scenario. Maybe you’ve decided to start a business, open an Etsy shop, join a direct sales company and the same thing could happen. Britney scrolling her Instagram scrolling past 100 posts because she probably has nothing better to do with her life. She’s going to scroll past your face. She’s going to pause she’s going to think something judgmental in her head, and then she’s going to keep scrolling. Or maybe you want to start the business. You want to go back to school for a new degree and you tell your kind of friend and she’s like who the fuck do you think you are? You weren’t that good. What do you think you can do with your life? Or maybe it’s your parents right? Oh, there’s no money in that.
What will the cousins think bla bla bla bla, let’s just say you let those scenarios stop you from starting a business or doing whatever you want to do stop you from doing something you want to do. You’re going to let fear of judgment stop you from doing something you want to do, I’m gonna break something down for you the average thoughts in a person’s head last 50 milliseconds, that’s about 1/20 of a second. So you were telling me that you are going to make a decision that can or will affect the rest of your life, based on something that only lasted 50 milliseconds in someone else’s head. That’s like telling someone who doesn’t think you’re worth an entire second, that their thought and they are worth your entire life. Successful people don’t bash successful people. Richard Branson isn’t out there bashing Elon Musk. They’re like, Hey, look at him. He’s making money good for him. Let’s both make money. They don’t care if you’re a hater. If you have a hater, it’s just because they want to be where you’re at. And if it’s somebody from your past, most people who judge you from your past are just mad that you both started in the same place. But you weren’t there anymore, and they still are letting the fear of judgment stop you. That is a great power you are giving to someone. Why? Why would you give anyone that power? Everybody would do anything. If you could just take away judgment from the world. If nobody feared judgment, if the word and concept of judgment didn’t exist, everybody would do anything they wanted to do. If the fear of judgment didn’t exist, nobody would fear anything, all these people would follow their dreams, cancer would probably be fucking cured. If there was no judgement, I love the quote from Rachel Hollis, she’s like, don’t let somebody in the cheap seats have an expensive opinion in your life. Because you have the power within you, whether you know it or not, whether you have found it or not, yet, we all have it in us. And that power is given to us by God, or Allah, or whatever higher being you believe in, or even the man who runs the simulation, if God has given you a power, and you’re not using your power in fear of judgment, that’s giving the power to control your life to somebody else. So that’s like saying, fuck you to God, getting a gift from him and being like, Nah, and giving it away to somebody else. Don’t do that. You can’t throw away what God has given you. Not doing something in fear of what someone thinks is giving power to someone who doesn’t give a shit about you. You’ve decided to take 55 milliseconds of somebody’s day and let it control and decide the rest of your life. I want to ask you, are you going to define yourself? Or are you going to let other people define you?
What other people think about you is number one, none of your business. It has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them. People project their own fears and insecurities onto others. That’s why someone who has been hurt has the tendency to hurt others. When you hear someone’s judgment or criticism of you first, ask yourself, Who is this coming from? Is it from the person closest in the world to me? Or is it anonymous 5672 on Instagram, when I get someone judging me, I feel bad for them honestly, because people only judge from a place of hurt, pain, or need for something. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them. I have empathy for those who judged me. Are you really going to value anonymous 567 twos opinion instead of your own. And those people that you value so much of their opinion and judgment. They aren’t the ones that are going to live with regret for the rest of their life. Because as long as you are worried about other people judging you, you will end up living someone else’s version of your life. The reason I’m constantly working on myself, in the work I’ve done, I finally figured out my strengths. Like until I started doing personal development, I thought people calling me loud or law or that I talk a lot was a bad thing, when in actuality it’s a strength that most people don’t have. And I decided to use that strength to help other people and start a podcast. So I’m going to use what people used to make fun of me for as a way to make an impact on this world. I’m loud. So I’m gonna use the voice God gave me to be loud for the people who can’t be loud, who are scared to speak up. I’m going to use my gift of bipolar as a way to help change the face of mental health. My ambition is a gift. So I know with all these things combined, I’m going to create a legacy for my babies. I’m going to help people I’m going to give hope to the people who have none. I’m going to show you that it’s fucking possible. I’m going to be great. No doubt in my mind, and that’s why I’ll be great because I’m looking at the goal. I’m looking to the future so I don’t have time to look back the haters. So many of us live in fear of judgment, the sooner you realize that everyone is only worried about themselves and their opinion of you is not a reflection on yourself, the quicker you’ll be able to stop being paralyzed by fear and move faster and freer than ever, you are the only person you are 100% Guaranteed to live with for the rest of your life. So who do you want to be? Don’t you want to be proud of yourself? Hate takes way more energy than love. So are you willing to spend the rest of your life hating yourself or loving yourself? I don’t care what other people think about me. Because when I go to bed at night, no one else is in my head. But me. My thoughts, the things I tell myself every day impact me the most. So I’m going to make them positive. I’m going to love who I am. Because I want to because I want to be happy because I want to be able to love other people for exactly who they are. And that starts with me. So then how do we get over this fear of judgment? First,
we’re gonna stop assuming people are judgmental assholes, or that you are the center of attention. How many random people do you think about daily? Not many. So what makes you think that people are really caring that much about you? Okay, get off your pedestal people. Number two, we’re gonna stop inviting judgment in when you are insecure about what you do. You might unwittingly nudge others to join you. Like, if you can’t accept a compliment. So I you’re going to put on this gorgeous dress, and you’re going to look cute, and you’re going to look beautiful, and somebody is going to be like, Oh my god, girl, you look great in that dress. And you’re gonna be like, Oh, well, I feel like it makes me look so fat. Look at my chicken wings back here in which turn invites their judgment in. Stop inviting judgment into your life. Stop allowing space for judgment, stop opening up the doors for judgment. Number three, you need to stop judging yourself. When you stop judging yourself, people will miraculously find less to judge about you. That doesn’t mean you have to be competent 110% of the time. But confidence is where most of the healing from judgment will come from. It all starts with self esteem and self confidence with practice. Because I need to be confident in myself my abilities who I am what I stand for, so that when I come across some judgmental bitch, it doesn’t shake me. Right? Want to know why don’t give shit about what people say? There is nothing nobody can tell me about myself that I haven’t told myself before. We are all our worst critics. And although not true, we still think it. And after years of personal development and working through my past, building my confidence and learning how to love myself. I know who I am. I’ve accepted my flaws. I love the fact that I’m not everybody’s cup of tea. I don’t want to be everybody’s cup of tea. She I don’t want to be tea. I hate tea. I’m more like a shot at tequila, like a delicious punch in the face. Right? I’m a shot of top shell tequila that they have hidden behind a locked cabinet like the expensive shit. Because there’s only a certain type of person that likes that right? Maybe you don’t like tequila, maybe you’re more of a whiskey girl. I’m not going to change who I am to fit your taste buds. I’m looking for the people who are willing to wait and ask the cashier to open the cabinet and put some good money to buy me. Right I love that you love whiskey. Girl I love that you are whiskey and all be tequila and you be whiskey. And we can have an amazing friendship but I’m not going to change my entire essence of what makes me me to fit your taste buds to make you more comfy, to make me easier to swallow for you. Number four define your values. Living your life according to what others think of you is a recipe for unhappy and then exhausting life. Get clear on what’s important to you, not other people focus on who you want to be. Not what others say you should be. But getting over fear of judgment getting confidence. That whole journey starts with number five, rewiring the core stories and limiting beliefs you have been telling yourself your whole life limiting beliefs unnecessarily hold us back from who we want to become because beliefs are not fact and you’ll have to come back next episode when we completely work through your limiting beliefs and start you on the process of building the competence of the bad bitch within which you know you are enough. Then no one.
Absolutely no one can shatter your inner confidence in yourself. No one No matter what they say think or do will be able to stop you from fully being you. Like I said you are the only person you are 100% Guaranteed to live with for the rest of your life and at the end of your life. You’re gonna look back Guess who is not going to be there holding your hand at the very end? All those people who are judging you, you wouldn’t want them there with you during your last hour. So why take their opinions along for the entire rest of your life? Start working through fear of judgment by not inviting judgment in. Stop judging yourself and start loving yourself and stop thinking that everyone is thinking about you. It’s time to figure out who you are, what you stand for, and what makes you uniquely you.
And we will get into all of that in the next few episodes, so be sure to hit follow and subscribe button and then follow me on Instagram at the Lauren Fritts for more daily motivation and getting to know the real meat. I hope you guys enjoyed that episode. That was a lot when that was a lot of punch in the guts but we’re just getting started. So let me end by saying this. I love you and I’m proud of you and I believe in you. And I know you might have trouble loving yourself being proud of yourself or believing in yourself right now and that’s okay. So until you can do this alone, use my love and believing to get up, go out and kill it today. I’ll see you next time.